I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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