Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
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