Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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