the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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