need another drink. this is the easiest way
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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