First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
