The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
