There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
