Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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