and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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