My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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