Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We need a shit load of segways right now
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
