How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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