are you still at the devil's house?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
