Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
