The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
