i wish starbucks made bloody marys
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
