He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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