the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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