i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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