I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
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at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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