he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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