"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
