I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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