her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
