Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We are two peas in an std pod
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
