Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
She said her name was "party"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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