Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
