We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
