i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
