I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
