I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
