I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
