There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
