Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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