If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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