Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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