If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
