i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
