I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
