u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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