No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
