and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
