You really coming over, don't trick.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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