Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
