Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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