never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
