Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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