Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
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I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
did i walk over a car last night?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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