I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
