I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
