yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
