i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
