so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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