sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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