He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
