I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
