how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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