fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
