You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
