I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
