How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
