we're blogging at a bar
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
