Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
